The Emotional Weight of Parenting Disagreements No One Talks About

When you’re sure about what’s right for your child, and your partner isn’t there yet.

I want to homeschool, and he doesn’t.

I don’t even know what to do with that sentence right now. It feels so heavy, there’s this huge weight in my chest that won’t go away.

I’ve been thinking about this for so long, quietly, internally & letting the idea simmer. It doesn’t feel like a phase or a knee-jerk reaction to a bad school day. It feels like a deep knowing, something inside of me is saying, this is what he needs. The more I lean into it, the clearer it feels. It is not logical, it isn’t laid out in a 5-point plan, it is just my truth.

But, every time I try to share it I feel like I hit a wall, he doesn’t see it, he doesn’t feel it & I can’t seem to explain it in a way that lands.

It’s not like we’re yelling or anything. It’s just a constant, quiet disagreement. A closed door I don’t know how to open & it’s making me doubt myself. Not because I think I’m wrong, but because being alone in a decision this big feels almost unbearable. It is like I need him to come with me, but I can’t drag him & I don’t want to beg.

Then there’s this other layer that I feel, the one that hurts more than I dare to admit. It feels like he doesn’t trust me, that he thinks I can’t handle it. Yes I have had my challenges, I have done so much work on myself and now… now when I do feel sure, it’s like it is too late.

I keep thinking about our boy, about sending him into a system that doesn’t feel right for him. About ignoring this gut pull because I’m too afraid of rocking the boat. What if I ignore it and I was right? What if I silence it just to keep the peace and it all goes badly? Then I will be stuck with guilt. That’s the thought that keeps my chest tight. I’m not just choosing a school path. I’m choosing whether or not to trust myself.

I don’t want to fight about it, but I am also done shrinking. I’ve done that too many times before & it has cost me way too much in life. I promised myself I wouldn’t do it again, especially when it comes to parenting.

But what do I even do from here? How do I talk about it without getting defensive? How do I explain something that lives in my body, not in my logic? How do I stay soft when I feel like I’m not being taken seriously?

I don’t know, I honestly don’t know right now. I keep cycling between wanting to lay it all out in a calm, reasoned way and wanting to scream, “Why can’t you just trust me on this?”

I feel like I’m carrying both the vision and the burden. I am trying to explain something I haven’t fully unpacked myself, while also managing the emotions that come with not feeling believed. It’s exhausting, lonely and weirdly familiar.

Because I’ve been here before, not in this exact situation, but in this pattern. Holding something that feels deeply true, only to second-guess myself the moment it’s questioned. And I hate how quickly I still do that. How quickly I shrink the moment I sense resistance.

I’m not angry at him, I get that this probably feels like a fairly sudden shift, as I haven’t been saying it out loud convincingly for very long. Maybe, from the outside, it does look like a whim, but what he doesn’t see is that I’ve been carrying this quietly for so long.

I have sat with it, I have felt it & I let it grow roots in me. Now that I finally have the courage and belief to speak it out loud, I can feel the space between us stretch. No anger, just a feeling of being unsure and that quiet uncertainty feels louder than anything else.

I want to be able to talk about it without needing to be perfectly composed. I want to be able to say, “This matters to me. I don’t need you to agree right now, but I need you to take it seriously.” I want to be able to hold this truth without needing to convince him on the spot.

Because deep down, I don’t think this is just about schooling for me. It’s about trust, it’s about backing myself & it’s about refusing to go back to the version of me that kept quiet just to keep the peace.

It’s about learning to stay, not in the argument, but in myself.

So maybe this is the next lesson for me:

Learning to not have the “right” words or the “perfect” timing, but to hold my ground, gently. Letting this matter, giving it space, giving me space & letting him catch up if he needs to and trusting that I don’t have to rush or fix or soften this truth just to make it easier to hear.

It’s okay if we’re not on the same page right now. It doesn’t mean I’m wrong. It doesn’t mean I have to abandon myself again.

This isn’t the end, I am still in it. I am still sitting with the discomfort, trying to trust myself without needing permission, hoping we find our way through, together.

If any part of this feels familiar, you are not alone and if you’re holding something heavy, uncertain, or unspoken there is always space for you in my DMs.

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We don’t have to carry it all in silence.